All Your Desktop Are Belong To Us

My desktop scanner stopped working yesterday. I don’t know why. It worked the day before, and the day before that. But the capricious gods who oversee all that is right and just with OS X software drivers somehow decreed that my HP scanner would no longer be recognized.

Little did I know that by downloading a new 200MB driver from the HP website, that I would be pitting two supreme forces against each other: the despotic and high-handed HP vs the virtuous and obliging Apple OS.

You’ll Take It and Like It
There’s something about the PC world that invites heavy handed behavior. Anyone who has bought a PC from Dell or HP knows what I’m talking about. From the moment you first boot the system, you have to deal with uninvited pleas to activate unnecessary and unwanted bloatware. Your desktop is filled with software icons whose makers have bribed the computer manufacturer to impose their clutter on your system.

You’re never asked if you want these applications. They’re simply forced upon you. Without any convenient way to remove them permanently from your desktop, your disk and your life.

It’s no wonder, then that the computer manufacturers’ imperious attitude carries over into their software drivers as well.

What’s Yours Is Mine
Besides compelling me to download a 200MB file (that’s right, 200 megabytes for a scanner driver) so they could force me to install 11 unwanted HP PhotoSmart software programs, in addition to the driver. Moreover, the installation process resulted in the installation of two additional HP icons in my precious Dock. They never asked permission for this intrusion. They never asked if I even wanted these applications. They just installed themselves, decided to sit in the front row of my desktop and dared me to remove them.

This behavior was designed intentionally into their installation processes. In the spirit of corporate transparency, their software should come outfitted with brownshirts and jackboots. They reflect a corporate hubris and reflexive arrogance that defines their relationships and influences their user experiences.

Showing True Character
There’s only one reason why HP did not design a permission process into their driver installation routine: they were afraid that I’d say “No.” They didn’t want to make any special effort to persuade me of the virtues of their software. They didn’t want to cajole or entice me to evaluate their software. They didn’t anticipate that I would already have more sophisticated applications already installed that would perform the same duties as their software. They considered their peculiar, self-serving motivations and crammed their software onto my system and shoehorned their icons front and center on my dock.

And in doing so, HP revealed their true character. Their authentic personality no longer resides behind layers of packaged messages and slick advertising, but is revealed in the imposition of their rapacious corporate desire to have their software installed on as many systems as possible.

Lessons Learned
It’s the last HP product I’ll ever buy. And their behavior offers clear lessons for other companies:

• It’s not all about you. Sure, you want your product in as many hands as possible. But forcing your prospects and clients to accept your product is no way to forge a relationship. Consider their needs, convince them of your virtues and…
• Gain permission. You want to do business with me? Ask. Demonstrate your value. Make it easy for me to demo your product or service, and…
• Start a conversation. Let me ask questions. Provide easy answers. Introduce me to others who use your product successfully. Let me talk with them without moderation. Stay in touch and…
• Build a relationship. Spend time learning what I really need and demonstrating how you can solve my problems. Can you save me time? Money? Frustration? Tell me. Then show me. If your value is genuine, I’ll come around. And I’ll trust you. Something HP will never have from me again.

All Your Desktop Are Belong to HP

My desktop scanner stopped working yesterday. I don't know why. It worked the day before, and the day before that. But the capricious gods who oversee all that is right and just with OS X software drivers somehow decreed that my HP scanner would no longer be recognized.

Little did I know that by downloading a new 200MB driver from the HP website, that I would be pitting two supreme forces against each other: the despotic and high-handed HP vs the virtuous and obliging Apple OS.

You'll Take It and Like It
There's something about the PC world that invites heavy handed behavior. Anyone who has bought a PC from Dell or HP knows what I'm talking about. From the moment you first boot the system, you have to deal with uninvited pleas to activate unnecessary and unwanted bloatware. Your desktop is filled with software icons whose makers have bribed the computer manufacturer to impose their clutter on your system.

You're never asked if you want these applications. They're simply forced upon you. Without any convenient way to remove them permanently from your desktop, your disk and your life.

It's no wonder, then that the computer manufacturers' imperious attitude carries over into their software drivers as well.

What's Yours Is Mine
Besides compelling me to download a 200MB file (that's right, 200 megabytes for a scanner driver) so they could force me to install 11 unwanted HP PhotoSmart software programs, in addition to the driver. Moreover, the installation process resulted in the installation of two additional HP icons in my precious Dock. They never asked permission for this intrusion. They never asked if I even wanted these applications. They just installed themselves, decided to sit in the front row of my desktop and dared me to remove them.

This behavior was designed intentionally into their installation processes. In the spirit of corporate transparency, their software should come outfitted with brownshirts and jackboots. They reflect a corporate hubris and reflexive arrogance that defines their relationships and influences their user experiences.

Showing True Character
There's only one reason why HP did not design a permission process into their driver installation routine: they were afraid that I'd say "No." They didn't want to make any special effort to persuade me of the virtues of their software. They didn't want to cajole or entice me to evaluate their software. They didn't anticipate that I would already have more sophisticated applications already installed that would perform the same duties as their software. They considered their peculiar, self-serving motivations and crammed their software onto my system and shoehorned their icons front and center on my dock.

And in doing so, HP revealed their true character. Their authentic personality no longer resides behind layers of packaged messages and slick advertising, but is revealed in the imposition of their rapacious corporate desire to have their software installed on as many systems as possible.

Lessons Learned
It's the last HP product I'll ever buy. And their behavior offers clear lessons for other companies:

• It's not all about you. Sure, you want your product in as many hands as possible. But forcing your prospects and clients to accept your product is no way to forge a relationship. Consider their needs, convince them of your virtues and…
• Gain permission. You want to do business with me? Ask. Demonstrate your value. Make it easy for me to demo your product or service, and…
• Start a conversation. Let me ask questions. Provide easy answers. Introduce me to others who use your product successfully. Let me talk with them without moderation. Stay in touch and…
• Build a relationship. Spend time learning what I really need and demonstrating how you can solve my problems. Can you save me time? Money? Frustration? Tell me. Then show me. If your value is genuine, I'll come around. And I'll trust you. Something HP will never have from me again.

Would You Buy a $30,000 Timex?

I came up with a short list of things I would never consider buying:

• a $30,000 Timex watch
• a $287,000 Chevrolet
• a $1200 Bic ballpoint pen
• and, oh yeah, a $2000 Motorola phone

There are a number of reasons – other than a profound shortage of bound stacks of crisp $100's – that I would never consider these purchases, but central to my absence of longing is the lack of consistency and authenticity to each brand's promise that each has spent decades cultivating.

Note that the prices quoted would not be out of line if the brands listed for each product were:

• Patek Philippe
• Bentley
• Montblanc
• … sorry, I can't think of any provider who could justify a $2000 mobile phone

In each of these latter cases, the prices are entirely reasonable for the brand. Each company has spent their lifetime specializing in the design and production of highly crafted and unique products with commensurate price tags.

These brands could offer "entry level" products that carry the cachet of their upscale brethren (and many luxury brands do), but the reverse is rarely true.

Let's take a look at Motorola's $2000 mobile phone offering, the Aura.

What could possibly make a phone worth so much? Well, according to their promotional materials, the Aura was inspired by luxury watches, so the phone contains:

• Three tungsten-carbon-carbide-coated main gears
• Swiss made main bearing
• Protective PVD coating and mirror polish finish
• 130 precision ball bearings
• Scratch-resistant, 62-carat, grade 1 sapphire crystal display
• Chemically etched textures and patterns

Now I can appreciate the manufacturing expertise and component quality that went into the production of the Aura. However, this is still a mobile phone produced by the same company whose phones are given away for free by the mobile carriers in return for a one-year contract commitment.

There is simply no logical reason why a typical consumer familiar with Motorola would extend them the sanction for a $2000 phone. Not when Motorola's popular RAZR line still sells for around $200.

Motorola will likely pay for their brand inconsistency with shelves of beautifully crafted Auras unable to find an owner willing to extend luxury status to a familiar, proletarian mass marketer.

The lesson here is that companies, like Motorola, who fail to integrate design thinking into their strategic planning will chase vanity projects that stray from their corporate strengths, diminish their corporate reputation and weaken their brand.

The 10 Contrarian Rules for Effective Twitter Use

As I near 1000 Twitter followers I perceive myself as the avuncular yet acerbic voice of Twitter wisdom and guidance who owes it to his vast network of sycophantic followers to clarify the cryptic and unyielding rules surrounding Twitter use.

Now, I'm not the first to provide helpful hints to the Twitter newbies, but after almost three months of reading Twitter posts, rules and guidelines from assorted self-described Twitter experts, I thought it was time to elevate my Twitter station and proclaim my own lofty Twitter status.

Note that although you may not agree with all of these rules, they are still inviolate. I don't want to yank your Twitter privileges, but I will if provoked.

1. Don't waste my time. Really. A lot of so-called experts encourage you to dive right in and start Tweeting. These are the same people who encourage everyone to vote. I don't want ignorant 19 years olds who can't name either one of their senators voting, and I don't want you Tweeting if you have nothing substantive or interesting to say. I don't care when you got up, when you're taking a shower, what type of coffee you're drinking or how slow traffic is in Denver. That's why you have text messaging on your phone. Share the banalities of your life with those close friends and family who have to endure your inanity. Not with us.
2. Don't link to anyone who uses the word "expert" in their profile. Especially "social media expert." Check out the some of the most popular Twitter users – Guy Kawasaki, Digg CEO Kevin Rose, Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh, Chris Brogan – none of whom hint at the word "expert" in their personal profiles. And they all have actual accomplishments. Online social media have been around about as long as the iPhone. There are no "experts." Pass them by without guilt or sympathy.
3. Don't link to anyone who proclaims themselves a personal branding expert/specialist/fanantic whose Twitter avatar is still the Twitter default icon on a turquiose background. Really, would you solicit or heed fashion advice from a guy in a lime green leisure suit? It's the same thing.
4. You do not have to include your photo in your avatar. Some of the best avatars I see are those created by designers who incorporate their personal logos. They are distinctive, memorable and emblematic of their creative capacity. They speaks volumes more than the standard blurry and pixelated headshot. In reality, many Twitter users aren't terribly attractive and would actually benefit from a creatively designed personal icon. Hey, don't shoot the messenger.
5.  It's perfectly fine to send automated DM's to those who elect to follow you. Tweetlater allows you to set up an automatic reply that sends a standard direct message to every Twitter user who follow you. Some Twitter users detest these DM's. Their righteous indignation can be detected through their Tweetdeck profile. It burns with the fiery intensity of a thousand suns. Ignore them. You're trying to build a network, and following those who follow you is generally a good idea and Tweetlater provides a valuable, time saving utility. Use it.
6. Numbers matter. Notice that virtually everyone who claims that numbers don't matter already has several thousand followers. You don't. You need more. Trolling around Twitter is a lot like deep sea trawling – you drop a large net and hope to reel in a handful of keepers from a slimy pile of aquatic offal. It's true that quality is more important than quantity, but the Twitter tools aren't precise enough to identify those really worth following. So, follow 500 and hope that a dozen provide useful and insightful Tweets. The remainder simply provide you with bragging fodder when you compare your size with fellow Tweeple. And despite the strident proclamations of righteous denial we all do it.
7. Don't forget attribution. We are a self-policing community here. We respect each other's intellectual property and efforts. If you click through a link, enjoy the article and decide to Tweet about it, give credit to the original Tweeter. It doesn't diminish the value of your post to attribute its origins to someone else. Unless, of course, you add nothing of value when you repost. But if you're adhering to Rule 1, we won't have that problem.
8. If someone reposts your tweet without attribution, remain calm. It's a tweet, not your college thesis. I'm in a reflective and revelatory mood, so I'll admit: I've tweeted without attribution in the past. We all have. sometimes I click a link but don't get a chance to read the page for hours. By the time I've determined that the page deserves to be shared I can't recall who posted the original Tweet. But I'll tweet about it anyway and simply hope for forgiveness from the IP Tweet police.
9. Do not try to sell Twitter users a way to earn $12,000/month working from home in their bathrobe while watching the Gameshow Network. You don't want to be the Amway salesperson at the cocktail party. In person, polite societal conventions might compel us to be cordial. Those rules don't apply in the social media free for all on the Interwebs. You're rude, embarrassing and inappropriate and I'm afraid we'll have to delete your Twitter privileges. Or at least unfollow you with head snapping rapidity.
10. There is no rule 10, but 10 rules looked better in a headline than 9 rules. So, let's agree that the tenth rule is a somber reflection and hearty embrace of all the previous rules.

When Beautiful Design Fails to Impress

Motorola's taken a lot of shots for the way they've mismanaged their mobile phone product development. Their once dominating position in the US market has deteriorated and their once hot RAZR line never spawned an enviable or desirable successor.

Reinforcing their one-hit wonder reputation, they recently introduced an aesthetically and technically commanding phone – the Aura – priced at a stratospheric $2000. No, that's not a misprint – the Aura is actually priced at two thousand dollars.

That must be an amazing phone. To compete with the $400 iPhone and $400 Blackberry Storm, the sleek $700 Nokia N96, or even the elegant yet pointless $300 Prada phone. What the hell, you could buy all of these beautifully designed phones for less than the Aura and still have a couple of hundred dollars left over.

Understanding the competitive environment in the mobile space, you've got to believe that there has to be something more than an beautiful physical aesthetic to justify the Aura's spectacular price. But Motorola once again has demonstrated their limited understanding of design thinking – focusing on the physical design of the device rather than the overall user experience.

Consider the round screen. Sure it's novel and distinctive, but how well can it satisfy today's smartphone user who relies on their phone for email and web browsing? Imagine surfing a web page while looking thorough a 1.5 inch porthole. How annoying would that user experience become?

You'll have plenty of tie to fume because those web pages you try to view will load slowly, since the Aura doesn't work on high-speed 3G networks, only on the slower EDGE networks.

And that's not all that's missing. There's no app store, nor will there ever be, the camera is a mediocre 2MP, its user interface is unlike any other device, and moving or syncing contacts and music to the device requires multiple steps with third party software.

Once the novelty of the distinctive physical design and brilliant 300dpi screen wear off, the user is left with a pedestrian device that delivers no more functionality or delight than a flip phone costing $1900 less.

Contrast Motorola's limited design approach with Apple's and RIM's, who focused on the utility and user experience of their smartphones, in addition to the visual aesthetic. The iPhone is a delight to use, the assorted Blackberry's perform their email functions better than any competing device, and both manufacturers have seeded application developers with software development kits to ensure an endless stream of useful applications.

The Aura is simply a reminder of Motorola's inability to design a cohesive and sustainable strategy in the mobile industry, relying instead upon novelty and luck to cling to their diminishing market share.

The Anti-Cool Altervative

It's a sad thing to see when a company insists that it's something it's not.

And if there's one thing that Microsoft is not, it's cool.

I can think of many words that accurately describe Microsoft: monolithic, monopolistic, lumbering, oafish, corporate, derivative, omnipresent, intimidating. But certainly not cool. Not on a desktop. Not on a laptop. And most definitely not on a smartphone.

I've owned a Windows Mobile smartphone. And an iPhone. And the chasm between the two takes on Grand Canyon proportions.

Windows Mobile felt like… well, it felt exactly like you would expect Windows to feel if you ported it to a smartphone. Lots of drop down menus, comfortably reminiscent of the Windows desktop, and all of the Microsoft Office applications at your fingertips.

It wasn't revolutionary. It wasn't terribly sexy. And it never garnered Oohs and Aahs from assorted bystanders as they got their first glimpse of the device.

Windows Mobile does have a lot going for it, however cool is not one of them. So, why did Microsoft decide to ignore their strengths and compete with Apple on Apple's turf? Apple owns cool. Their dominance of cool design is nearly unassailable and the iPhone is an icon of cool.

It's not difficult to surmise why Microsoft chose this positioning tactic. They desperately want to be cool. They had a smartphone years before the iPhone was introduced. And theirs is arguably more capable for business users who can run Word, Excel, PowerPoint and integrate with Microsoft Exchange. The iPhone can't do all that.

But running your standard Microsoft Office applications is boring, not cool. So Microsoft comes across as despairingly inauthentic and actually reinforces Apple's position as arbiter of cool.

Microsoft: The Anti-Cool

Microsoft's promotional tactics should have leveraged their actual strengths in comparison with the iPhone. Any of these Windows Mobile's features could have been exploited:

• ability to view and edit Microsoft Office files
• seamless integration with Microsoft Exchange for real-time push email
• embrace by IT departments
• integration and synchronization with desktop PC's

They could have leveraged their dominance in the corporate realm, their presence on every executive's desktop, as the de facto standard of office computing and focused their appeals on their demonstrated ability to replicate the familiar desktop environment in the palm of your hand. For many business users, especially those that travel frequently, these abilities are crucial to maintain personal productivity – and absent in the iPhone.

It might not have been cool, but it would have rung true.

LeBron vs. Johnny Sequins

Cleveland is home to the greatest basketball player on the planet and the single largest banner/billboard promoting his beatific presence in our town. The LeBron banner is approximately 5 acres in size and spans most of the Cleveland skyline (pictured at right).

Although the soaring banner blots out most of the sunlight downtown (on those rare winter days when the sun's rays penetrate our frozen cloud cover), it is regarded as an appropriate Nike paean to the greatest athlete in Cleveland history who isn't named Jim Brown. It's simple B&W design and powerful, effective tagline are classically Nike.

The banner is visible from the nearby highway (flagrantly violating the Highway Beautification Act of 1965, but that's another story for another post) and has been seen by virtually every Cleveland resident despite their best efforts to avoid downtown Cleveland altogether. You could say that we are all witnesses to the power and glory that is Nike's promotional machine. And for that we are gratified and content.

The unmistakable impact of the Nike LeBron banner was not lost on the marketing whizzes at US Figure Skating, who decided to design their own competitive building-spanning banner to promote the US Figure Skating Championships here in Cleveland.

Their resulting banner completely escaped my attention until I read about it on the Cleveland's A Plum blog who provided the following photos of the unique and memorable display.

I'll stop writing now until you control your giggles. There… you ready?

A couple of questions? Who exactly are they targeting with this? And, do they have to focus on the sequins?

You just know that several months ago, in a conference room at US Figure Skating headquarters, there was a meeting of their top creative and marketing minds discussing ways to promote attendance in a traditional rust belt city for a sport that has had perception problems among the male populace. They were tossing around ideas to combat the stereotype of figure skaters as gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Whiteboards were filled with suggested campaigns, supporting images and persuasive taglines. And one stood out above the rest. One was so powerful, so (dare I say it) fierce, that it was enthusiastically embraced and approved for immediate production.

Style. Attitude. Sequins.

That says it all. And, when complemented by a close-up photo of an equally fierce male skater replete with eyeliner, the message is clear: skaters are athletes, too. Just athletes who adore bejeweled matador outfits and makeup.

Scott Hamilton used to skate in a simple, athletic bodysuit to reinforce his image as a skating athlete. He intentionally foreswore the sequins and glitter to cement his reputation primarily as an athlete, not a Vegas showboy on ice. And it worked.

What doesn't work is US Figure Skating's effort to somehow attach the glam and sequins to athletic endeavor. LeBron may wear diamond studs in his ears, but his promotion revolves around pure athleticism and talent. That's authentic. And that works.

How Apple Designs Their Success

CrunchGear posted an article today exploring the reasons behind Apple's continued success (they announced revenues yesterday of $10.17 billion and record net quarterly profit of $1.61 billion).

Their design secret: simplicity.

Simplicity in product design. Simplicity in product offerings. Simplicity in user experience. Simplicity in connectivity.

As the article mentions, Garmin offers 82 different GPS models. Motorola has 27 different phones listed on their website. Canon offers 23 different point and shoot cameras. And Monster Cable even offers 10 different lines for HDMI cable.

Whose approach is most effective? Apple's financial results speak for themselves – especially when compared with Motorola, whose design woes are achieving legendary status. Motorola acknowledged as much in a recent WSJ article in which their new CEO affirmed their intent to reduce their number of supported mobile operating systems to four. (for comparisons sake, Apple supports one computing operating system and one mobile operating system)

Apple's integrated design thinking extends well beyond their product design and into their corporate processes. They recognize that from an operations perspective, it's much easier to produce four notebooks than 60. One phone platform instead of 27. And it's much easier to design and manage your user's experience if you limit the number of options available – which has the added benefit of simplifying your user's need to make complex choices among products.

So, when will other tech companies adopt design thinking?

Tone Deaf Corporate Communications

There appears to be an inverse correlation between corporate size and the clarity and honesty of their communications. The latest example is a letter from Citi Smith Barney last week (click copy at right for full text) designed to announce their exciting "joint venture" with Morgan Stanley.

Now, anyone who has paid any attention to the turmoil in the financial markets knows that Citigroup this month has been under extraordinary financial pressure and had to shed assets to remain a viable, ongoing entity. So, bye-bye brokerage.

News that fills the front page of the Wall Street Journal, like Citi's troubles and their shotgun marriage to Morgan Stanley, is difficult to spin, but the PR masters at Smith Barney did their level best to divert and distract.

What's missing from their e-mail is any hint of understanding of their clients' concerns. Why did Citi Smith Barney have to "partner" with Morgan Stanley? Are our assets safe? Will we still be able to work with our current money managers? Will our financial consultants still be with the new company?

Instead, we're treated to cheery affirmations of the great "new opportunities that this venture creates for you." No acknowledgment of the unprecedented financial problems that we, they and the industry are facing. No expression of sympathy or understanding for our worries and concerns. No assurances that our assets will be secure or protected. In fact, they express no human emotion at all save hollow optimism.

Inquiries confirmed that the company forbade their employees from writing any correspondence that wasn't vetted by their legal and compliance staff, so instead of receiving any communications that could possible support and strengthen a personal relationship, we received platitudes and tone deaf, insipid reassurances. But at least the lawyers approved of their total absence of humanity.

5 Rules to Get the Most Out of Corporate Premiums

I received a 2009 New Year's gift a couple of weeks ago from my favorite designer, Alison Crawford of Crawford Design. Not surprisingly, she delivered a premium that stood out from the accumulated Christmas holiday dross and sent a distinct, and distinctive, message that she was thinking about me.

Alison engaged a local artisan to create hand-blown, glass bowls, signed by the artist, that incorporated the specific branding colors of her clients (my orange bowl is pictured at right). The bowls were personally delivered to her clients packaged in lovely, simple packaging accompanied by a brief, personal handwritten note. Additionally, the box contained a bag of chocolate covered sunflower seeds (since replaced by holiday M&M's) to fill the lovely bowl that now sits at the center of my desk.

Can you remember the last premium you received that was all about you? It wasn't the logo emblazoned golf shirt, or the t-shirt, or the hat
, or the pen. Those items were actually disguised gifts for the giver – hoping that you would cooperate and become a walking billboard for their products and services.

How can you deliver a premium that accomplishes your marketing and promotional goals? Follow Alison's lead and keep the following rules in mind:

1) the most important rule is the one most difficult to embrace: it's about them, not you. I know that you want your logo prominently displayed, but how many of your users share that passion? If the premium is thoughtful and distinctive enough, your logo need not be displayed at all.

2) deliver something unique. It's hard, I know, to conceive and execute a premium that is unique, personal and effective. That's why so many companies take the simple route and just silkscreen their logo and tagline on a t-shirt and start handing them out. Shortly thereafter, however, those shirts are being used to wash the car. If you want to give a shirt out, make it one of a kind. Hire a local college design class to create design concepts and create a colorful and unique article that truly stands out.

3) deliver your item at a special time, in a special way. Alison was smart. She could have delivered her gift at Christmas, but her gift would have been lost in the holiday crush of cards and gifts. So, she waited until New Years had passed. Did any of you receive a New Year's gift from one of your business partners? The one I received got all my attention. Especially because it was hand delivered and packaged so carefully and beautifully.

4) minimize your logo. Or eliminate it entirely. If your gift is appropriately distinctive, your logo won't be necessary. Each recipient will know immediately, with a single glance, that it came from you. My glass bowl has no logos but it will always be permanently and ineluctably associated with Alison and her passion for exquisite design.

5) accompany the premium with a handwritten note. If the premium is sufficiently distinctive, and the recipient is important enough, you should take the time to make an indelible impression and express your appreciation of their business/friendship/patronage with some carefully chosen, thoughtful words.

Chosen carefully, the right premium will be kept, remembered, and even discussed with others as an indicator of your creativity and thoughtfulness. And isn't that the point?